don't erase

not a clever title, but it's my entirely direct way of telling mr.dashboard NOT to erase my post, as he so assholically did last time.

ahem.

ok. so. right, or should i say "write?" write! write! write! i haven't in everso long. perhaps it's the complacency i like to think i have going at all times, but just like looking at a petri dish up close (isn't that all you do with petri dishes really? there is no point in looking at them from far away), there is a lot going on and i'm not a complacent person by my nature.

nature. yes, i've been thinking about that a lot, specifically how at times i can be my own worst enemy. my nature is to NOT sit still, to NOT be disrespected (oh how AJ loves to quote my infamous "i will NOT be disrespected" line), and for sure my nature is to try and figure out what my nature is at all times. it's so fucking self-involved and so "dawson's" it makes me sick. only i don't talk as fast (thank god) and i don't use the word "pedantic" unless i am having a discussion about words with Latin origins which happens like...never.

desperately (being the operative word) trying to muster out another 1/2 page for my 2nd to last paper in my MBA career. Consulting paper, it's all bullshit really and yet I struggle tying the bullshit up in a nice enough bow that my prof. doesn't know that it's bullshit and she thinks it's a diamond in a fancy 3-prong setting.

looking for a job, wanting a job, (do i really?) and waiting (still) for that magical fantastical moment when i know what i want and feel empowered to get it. that's why i'm still 30-1 this year...i have a year to figure it out so when 30 comes, i'm complacently delighted. right?