my list of 100

in Target today.....eager to buy the essentials and non-essentials that (on average) culminate in a $90-$110 charge on my Amazon Visa. Today's was $137 but that was only because I decided to indulge in a bathing suit cover-up for my trip to Tortola. The temptational lure of sun and no Boston for a week produced more excitement than my emotional state could take.

Anyway, I stopped by the magazine aisle because at this Target, it's always empty and I can read my ragazines in peace. I picked up Oprah, as I've been mournfully contemplative and reading about 50 year olds and their dry "va-jay-jays" seemed like it would hit the spot.

To my dismay, there was no such article, but Martha Beck wrote an article about a woman who wrote out a list many years ago of her top 100 qualities she was needed to have in someone she would be with in the future. This woman had been through the ringer--two divorces, and one of them involved manic depression.

She ended up meeting a man who met all but two of the criteria and they had 12 years of bliss together.

While 100 qualities seems a bit excessive, the idea underpinning it all, that we shouldn't settle for just anyone, has been resonating with me all day. And with that, as I wander through the emotional thicket with three (four if you're really counting) men, here's my list:

1. his favorite time of day is twilight
2. he chews like a normal person, without any horrendous sloshing about
3. if he snores, it's gentle and endearing, not chainsaw-like and loud
4. he thinks the female body is incredible, beautiful, and miraculous
5. he is not afraid of a woman pushing a watermelon out of something the size of a grape
6. he is kind to his parents
7. he understands and appreciates that no matter what, the bond I have with Mossy has existed for 30 years longer than my bond with him
8. he is not threatened by the fact that I talk to Mossy 6x a day and she knows everything about me, including how I feel about our sex life
9. he thinks everything I cook is delicious
10. he doesn't call other men "bro"
11. he cries openly
12. he has a good sense of humor about getting older
13. he is financially aware and stable
14. he makes me laugh after 9:31 pm when I am a relative zombie
15. he likes to read the nyt on sundays and drink coffee with me
16. he likes to remark on what he's reading and share passages with me
17. he has a passion for something, preferably music, and preferably the music I like
18. he knows what love feels like
19. he appreciates cute children
20. he appreciates my love for cute children
21. he has lived somewhere 100+ miles from where he grew up in his lifetime
22. he has been to at least 2 other countries besides the US and felt like a cultural outsider
23. he is politically-inclined and eager to analyze our current situation
24. he knows where Darfur is
25. he is left-leaning, if not 100% horizontal
26. he likes sex in the morning
27. he stays in touch with people he has known for at least 15 years
28. he is tidy
29. he holds his own in social situations, even when they're not his friends
30. he thinks I'm smart
31. he is ambitious to reach the goals he's set out to accomplish in his lifetime
32. he has experienced the loss of a loved one
33. he is spontaneous
34. he thinks about his relationships
35. he addresses relationship problems in a straight-forward way
36. he is proactive, not reactive
37. he deals with my moodiness well
38. he teaches me something new
39. he thinks fakeness is the most atrocious quality in another human besides having a penchant for the ruthless killing of innocent people
40. he knows how to text flirt
41. he's into doing it in a variety of positions and possibly places
42. he doesn't backseat drive
43. he is awed by my parallel parking
44. he doesn't make fun of the way asian people talk
45. he is gay-friendly
46. he is trans-friendly
47. he understands that depending what state we live in, I may need to wait to get married until my close community can as well
48. he wants to have kids
49. he doesn't mind that I make more money than he does and he wants to contribute to our life together in a meaningful way like helping to raise our children
50. he is hysterically funny
51. he dreams of owning a house
52. he doesn't want to live in the suburbs
53. he appreciates long walks
54. he is equally scared of the midwest
55. he will never suggest vacationing in Florida
56. he will bail his friends out of any situation
57. he owns a cell phone
58. he loves a good sunset, a bottle of wine, and me
59. he thinks "so i married an axe murderer" is great
60. he loves "dark crystal"
61. he is prepared to watch "lost" from start to finish on dvd with me when it's over in 2010
62. he acknowledges homeless people when he passes them on the street
63. he appreciates good customer service
64. he has a critical mind
65. he is a wordsmith
66. he opens doors for me on occasion
67. he pays on occasion
68. he knows that I love surprises
69. he suggests activities for us to do
70. he likes lists, especially crossing items off
71. he enjoys running errands with me
72. he carries the heavy stuff
73. he reaches things for me
74. he doesn't say "chick flick"
75. he doesn't want a traditional wedding
76. he isn't an evangelical christian
77. he thinks I'm sexiest without make-up
78. he appreciates that I am ambitious about my career
79. he shares covers
80. he likes to snuggle
81. he thinks I'm hilarious
82. he picks up new hobbies
83. he enjoys helping people
84. he thinks about his parents in their old age
85. he isn't money-driven
86. he finds things in me that I don't know are there and appreciates them
87. he has fond childhood memories
88. he is not afraid of therapy or self-medication
89. he buys me Trident Crystal Frost if he stumbles upon it
90. he remembers records, speak 'n spell, and Atari
91. his laundry smells good
92. his natural smell is good
93. he likes showering (with me)
94. he doesn't criticize my obsession with celebrity gossip
95. he is eager to commit and start a life with someone
96. he has a nickname for me and others
97. he pays his taxes
98. he knows when my period is and doesn't associate certain ill-fated behaviors to the three days
99. he has a healthy respect for doing things in moderation: eating, drinking, smoking, critiquing
100. he loves Sossy.