Popping my Post-Grad Cherry

So I've dubbed a new term to describe what I feel the experience will be like when (at this point, truly "if") I get a job. It's called "Popping my Post-Grad Cherry" and I feel it is most appropriate. I'll tell you why. STARBUCKS WON'T HIRE ME TO BE A FUCKING BARISTA. Now, you may be reading this and saying to yourself "Well, I've heard that Starbucks actually has quite a rigorous hiring process" or "Starbucks DOES offer benefits to part-time employees so I'm sure there's tough competition" but hopefully you're as shocked as I was when I got the call telling me in the Starbucks tone one can only offer when they've worked for the company for over 10 years (that's right) "I gave the position to someone who seemed more committed to working here for a while."

The reason why her pseudo-tactful explanation irritated me so much is that she's right. I should have known better. I should have lied through my midget teeth, telling her ad nauseum of my allegiance to a lifelong career with the company that attempts to create a "premier culture." (see http://www.nytimes.com/2006/10/22/arts/22domi.html?th&emc=th) But instead what do I do? I sound like the world's biggest asshole and spell out the honest card of how I am looking for a job in my field but in an ideal world (note: this is where the bullshit starts) I would stay on part time after I get a job.


UGH.

so this seemingly minor transgression has left me bereft of any benefits and without my complimentary pound of weekly coffee.

and that is how I arrive at the "post -grad cherry" analogy. for really, that job will come. and maybe it will come in the everso familiar package of housewares and easy to assemble furniture, but someday I will be able to look back on this experience and say that the days and weeks and months (and if I get to years, shoot me) leading up to losing my post grad virginity and sigh with utter nostalgia.

probably not.

semantics

in the last 2 days I have been referred to as "passive" and "not sophisticated." in both contexts, there was no direct confrontation between myself and another, but it happened rather like this:

my friend, (referring to a group of like-minded friends): "I dunno. we're all pretty passive."
to which I responded, "I'm not passive!" and my friend had to reiterate that her idea of passivity really meant that I was non-confrontational. I think my objection to being called "passive" pretty much refutes her explanation but...

the other one happened today when my career coach told me that she was referring me for a job but did not think another job was appropriate for me because they were looking for someone "sophisticated." now, what she meant was someone who was ready to be some old white guy's right arm and he was apparently a real beast. so the more "sophisticated" in terms of project management experience, the better.

in both cases I am reminded at the importance of semantics and the subjectivity that goes along with interpreting words. I'm also reminded of the fact that lately I feel like crap. I am in a job hunting phase where I am constantly needing to define and prove myself.

this wouldn't feel so insane if I didn't also feel like that's how I'm spending all of my time. it's fucking exhausting and most days lately I just muddle through with some semblance of structure (whatever I can muster for the day).

I try not to let any apparent breakthroughs make me too high, and I try not to take each hit too hard. I'm trying to be somewhere in the middle. and for this non-passive and decidedly-not sophisticated person, that means most days I flounder and flop.